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The Ten Pleasures of Marriage and The Confession of the New married Couple (1682) written by A. Marsh

A >> A. Marsh >> The Ten Pleasures of Marriage and The Confession of the New married Couple (1682)




O happy Women, who, in this manner have the hearts of men in your
hands, and can bring the same to your obedience where you will; what
means and waies ought you not to indeavour by dallyings and kind
actions to gain the same on your side! you certainly know, that the
main Butt which is aim'd at by all mankind, is to pass through this
short life of ours with pleasure and quietness: But alas! what life,
what rest, what pleasure can he possess in this World, who hath hapned
upon a scolding, and no waies friendly wife?

Oh if all Lovers knew this so well, they would never suffer themselves
to be led away captive by the jettish eys, and marble-like breasts, or
strangle themselves in the curled locks of women; but would imbrace
their kind naturedness to be the surpassingest beauty.

But the carnal desires, and covetousness of mony, blindeth the eys of
so many, that oftentimes for the satisfaction thereof, they will,
contrary to all exhortations, run headlong, and cast themselves into a
pit of infinite horrors and vexations of Spirit: chusing rather a
proud, finical, blockheaded Virgin with two thousand pound, then a
mean, kind-hearted, understanding one, with ten thousand Vertues.

This was that which the prudent King Lycurgus sought to prevent, when
he gave out his commands that no Parents should give any portions with
their Daughters in marriage, or might leave them any thing for an
inheritance; because he would not have them to be desired in marriage
by any, but for their beauty and vertues; in those daies the vitious
remained, just as now doth the poor ones, most of them unmarried, and
cast aside, and every Maid was hereby spur'd up, that her Vertues
might in brightness and splendor surpass others.

Happy are you, O Father of the Family, who without the least thoughts
of Lycurgus, have made so good a choice and have gotten a Wife that is
beautifull, rich, good natured, and vertuous; you learnt first to know
her well, that you might the better woe her, and so be happy in
marriage. Make this your example, O all you foolish and wandring
Lovers, who are so desirous to tast of the Pleasures and sweetness of
marriage; and are somtimes so disquieted and troubled till you cast
your selves upon an insulting, domineering Wife, who perhaps hath the
Breeches already on, and will vex you with all the torments imaginable
in the World. Do but use these few remedies for your squandered
brains, and be assured they will bring you to have good fortune and
tranquility.

Search not after great Riches, but for one of your own degree; for the
Rich are insulting, self-conceited, and proud.

Admire no outward beauty; because they are proud of their beauty, and
imagine themselves to be Goddesses, whom their husbands ought to
obey.

Shun those who are much lesser then your self: For when a mean one
finds her self promoted by a great Match, she is much prouder and
self-conceited then one of a good extraction; and will much sooner
than another indeavour to domineer over her husband.

Dissemble not in your wooing. For dissimulation deceives its own
Master.

Be not too hasty. For a thing of importance must be long and prudently
considered of, before a final conclusion can be made.

Follow the advice of understanding friends. For to be wise, and in
love, was not given to the Gods themselves.

Chuse no Country wench: For she'l want a whole years learning, before
she'l know how to shine upon a house or Office, and two years to learn
to make a cursie.

If you marry, arm your self with patience. For he that hath the yoke
of marriage upon his shoulders, must patiently suffer and indure all
the disquiets and troubles that that estate is subject to.

If these things be observed by you innocent and wandring Lovers, they
will much assist you in your choice, but not preserve you from being a
slave; because the Gentlewoman whom you have chosen, hath till this
time be past, had one or other ill condition, which she knew how to
hide and dissemble with, that you never so much as thought of, or
expected from her. Cornelius Agrippa knew this in his daies, when he
said, men must have and keep their wives, e'en as it chanceth; if they
be (saies he) merry humored, if they be foolish, if they be
unmannerly, if they be proud, if they be sluttish, if they be ugly, if
they be dishonest, or whatsoever vice she is guilty of, that will be
perceived after the wedding, but never amended. Be therefore very
vigilant, you wandring Lovers, and sell not your liberty at so low a
price, which cannot be redeemed again with a whole Sea of repentances.

And you, O silent Gentlewomen, methinks you long to know whether there
be no remedies for you to be had, that you may also be as well arm'd
against the rigid natured, subtle and dissembling Lovers, as well as
they have against the vitious Gentlewomen; take notice, that since you
have subjected your selves to that foolish fashion of these times,
never of your selves to go a wooing; but with patience will expect who
will come for you, that rule must be first observed, and regard taken
of him that cometh, then it is the time to consider, principally.

Whether he loveth you for your mony, or for your beauty.

Inquire whether he have a good method, or way, for the maintaining of
a Family. For if he have not that to build upon, the whole foundation
will tumble.

Search also whether he be of an honest, rather then great extraction.
For Vertue is the greatest Gentility.

Inquire also whether he be a frequenter of Alehouses; especially of
such as are of an evill reput.

_To be a lover of such houses,
Makes him to think of other Spouses._

If he be covetous of honour, he hath several other Vertues.

Hate a Gamester like the Plague; for they are consumers of all; nay
their very gain is loss.

Abhor a person of no imploy, or gadder along the streets; for they are
fit for nothing.

If you marry, shew all honour, respect, and love to your husband.
Indeavour not to Lordize over him; because that, both by Heaven and
nature is given unto him.

In so doing, you will have, as well as our new-married Couple, the
expectation of a happy match; which though it falls out well, yet is
subject to severall accidental corruptions; as you will perceive in
the further Confession of the insuing Pleasures, even as if they were
a Looking-glass.




THE SEVENTH PLEASURE.

_The bad times teaches the new married Couple. Makes them brave
housekeepers. They take in Lodgers, and give good examples to their
Children._


It was formerly very pleasant living, when Trading and Merchandizing
flourished so nobly, that every evening people were fain to carry a
whole drawer full of mony out of the Counter in to the Counting-house;
and then the good woman had alwaies two or three hours work to sort
it, before they could so much as think of going to bed: but it seems
that destructive War, as being a scourge from Heaven, for our
dissatisfied Spirits; hath so lamentably humbled the Land of our
Nativity, that there are very few who have not now just causes enough
to complain.

And you, O young people, shall be witnesses hereof, who have already,
in that short time that you have been married, experience that things
do not alwaies run upon wheels so merrily as was expected. 'Tis true
you possess the Pleasure of an indifferent Trade, as well as the rest
of your Neighbours; but it is not in any measure to be compared with
those golden daies that your Ancestors had, when they could lay up so
much wealth, and yet complained they had but little custom.

[Illustration: 135 _Published by The Navarre Society, London._]

Verily, when I rightly consider it, methinks you are happier then they
were. For at that time all their delight was, by a covetous frugality,
to reap much riches together, and though that hapned very well, yet
there was never enough; for mony is no impediment to a covetous soul
because it alwaies yearns for more. But now on the contrary, it is
esteemed to be very nobly done, and people take an absolute delight in
it, if they can but tell how to scrape so much together, that they may
keep the Dunners from their dores, bring up their children
indifferently well, and pay the taxations and impositions that are
imposed upon them. In good truth, they that can do this now, are
worthy of as much credit and reputation, as those were that prospered
much in former daies; and their Pleasure ought not to be lesser then
the others before was.

O happy Successors, who through the contentment of your minds, possess
now as great Pleasure, as your rich Parents formerly did, in their
plentifull daies. Verily, your gain is comparatively better then
theirs, because you are satisfied with so much less; and by
consequence when the hour of death approaches, you can so much the
easier depart from this World, by reason you shall not leave so many
knives behind you that may cut your childrens throats.

Therefore if your Trading should come to diminish more; and that you
can hardly tell how to keep both ends together; then comfort your
selves with this happiness; to the end that the Pleasures of your
marriage, may thereby not be eclipsed. For in bad times you must as
diligently search after the Pleasures of Marriage, as for gain and
good Trading.

But it seems, as you imagine, that this Pleasure rather decreases then
increases; because that the small trading, is accompanied with bad
paiment; and where ever you run or go to dun, you find no body at
home, but return back to your house with empty pockets. For there is
Master Highmind, and Squire Spightfull, who come every day in their
Velvet Coats to the Change, are not in the least ashamed that the
Goods, which they bought to be paid ready down, after the expiration
of a full year, are not yet paid. And Master Negligent, who is alwaies
in an Alehouse, and seldom to be found in his Counting-house or at the
Change, thinks it is abundance too early in July, so much as to look
upon the reckoning of last New-year, much less to pay it.

Nevertheless others have their Creditors also, and this Bill of
Exchange, and that Assignment must be paid at their due times; yea,
and the Winter is approaching, Wood and Coals must be bought, the
Cellar furnisht with Beer and Wine, and some Firkins of Butter, and
provision made for the powdring-tub to be filled, as well as several
other sorts of necessaries for the Family that will be wanting.
Insomuch that this affords but a very slight appearance of concluding
the year in Pleasure.

But, O carefull House Father, if you knew in what a happy age you
live, you would not go away so dissatisfied, but imbrace all these
affairs very joifully for extraordinary Pleasures.

Hitherto you have gone forward like one young and unexperienced, and
have meant with Master Dolittle, alias John the Satisfied, that things
were to be done with kissing, licking, dallying, and other fidle
fadles; but now you are come to a more sober, serious understanding,
and to have mans knowledge, and the same prudent conduct that your
Parents and Friends had, when they were assembled together about your
Contract of Marriage, and then thought of all these things. Now you
are grown to be a Master of Arts in the University of Wedlock. And
great Juno laught, that Venus hath so long hoodwink'd you.

Come on then, these films being now fallen, from your eys, do but
observe how prudent carefull Time hath made you, and how circumspect
and diligent you begin to be that you may get through the World with
honour, commendations, and good respect; how like a care taking Father
you are now providing for your Wife, Children, and whole Family. Oh if
your Father and Mother were now alive, how would they rejoice in this
your advancement; which are indeed the upright Pleasures of Marriage.
For all married people, draw the cares, here mentioned, along with
them; though they come with a bag full of mony about their necks in to
the World.

Do but see, till now you have had a brave and splendant house, paid
great rent, only for your self and family to live in; now you begin to
consider with understanding and Pleasure, whether a dwelling of less
price would not serve as well, in which you might have a Chamber or
two that you could let out to some civil Gentlemen, who might diet
with you; it would help to pay the rent, and bring some profit in
besides; and it is all one trouble for boiling, roasting, and going to
Market: the day goes about nevertheless, and the Maid suits her work
accordingly. And moreover, you have good company of them in your
house, and alwaies either one or another at dinner begins to relate
some kind of pretty discourse, that is continually very pleasurable
and delightfull to be heard.

Observe how glad your Wife is concerning this resolution! There hath
not been these three years any Proclamation published, which pleased
her fancy better: for now her husband will have some pastime, and good
company at home, so that he needs not go to seek it in the evening in
Alehouses or other places. Well who cannot but see here how one may
learn through honest Time and Experience, what Pleasures they are
accompanied with?

But stay a little, and to be serious with you, when you get such
guests, you'l see how they will plague you; for the general
imaginations of such Gentlemen are, that all the monies they spend, is
pure gain, and that the Landlord and Landlady alwaies ought to provide
such sort of diet as they have most a mind to: and though it be never
so well drest, yet there shall hardly come one dish to the Table, but
they will be finding fault that this hath too much pepper in it, and
that too much salt, &c. Besides all this, both Maids and Men, and all
what's in the house, must be at their commands; nay be readier and
nimbler to serve them then their Master and Mistriss. And that's more,
you are deprived of the whole freedom of your house and table. It
happens also many times, that they have so many visiters, and runners
after them, that they require more attendance; and the maid hath more
work with them alone, then the whole house-keeping besides.

This is the general course of all fellow Commoners; I will not say any
thing of a worser sort, which are many times amongst them; who run in
the mornings to Strong-water Shops, and in the afternoon to Taverns;
where they so disguise themselves, that one must be ashamed for honest
people who are in the Shop, or standing upon the flore, that sees
them either come in a dores or down from their Chambers, hardly able
to stand; besides they value not if they tarry out late at nights;
and, if it be possible, they will intice the good man of the house to
debauch with them. And then again they are seldom free from private
chatting and pratling with the Maid and Men servants.

But perhaps you may light of a better sort, which Time, who is the
mother of all things, will make appear. Let it be as it will, here is
alwaies pleasure and delight to be expected for the good man, because
the good woman by this means increaseth to more knowledge of
housholding affairs; and therefore is alwaies busie, like a prudent
mother, in educating, governing, and instructing her children.

Yea, if you, O Father of the Family, will go a little further, and
behold with clear eys, how far your wife, through these bad times, is
advanced in understanding and knowledge; I do assure you, you will
find your self as ravisht with joy; because this is as great a
transformation as ever Ovid writ of. For whereas at the beginning of
your marriage, all her cogitations were imploied for the buying of
large Venetian Looking-glasses, Indean Chainy, Plush Stools and
Chairs, Turkish Tapistry, rich Presses and Tables, yea and whatsoever
else was needfull for neatness and gallantry; we see now, that all her
sences are at work, where ever they may or can be, to save and spare
all things, and to take care that there may not so much as a match
negligently be thrown away.

Formerly, your good wife used, by reason of her youth, and want of
knowledge, to walk very stately, hand in hand with you, along the
streets, finically trickt up with powdered locks, and a laced Gorget
and Gown, and had commonly need of, at the least, three hours time,
before she, with the help of two serviceable assistants, could be put
to her mind in her dress; and then again all her discourse was of
walking or riding abroad, and of junketting and merriment; whereas now
on the contrary, seeing the small gain, she is sparing of all things,
and ordring it to the best advantage for the family; without so much
as setting one foot out of her House or Counter unnecessarily. Never
thinking more of gadding abroad, to take pleasure; but finds all her
delight by being busie in her houskeeping, amongst her children and
servants. Here you may behold her driving the maid forwards, and
setting her a spinning, to keep the sleep out of her eys; and with
this intent also that she may have the delight to get yarn enough
ready towards Winter, to let a brave Web of Linnen be woven for the
service of the Family. Yea, and here she shews you, that though before
she was but a Bartholomew Baby, that she is now grown to be a brave
houswife. And that, if need requires, she can put a hand to the plough
stoutly.

O happy man, who in such a sad and troublesom time, can find out so
many Pleasures of Marriage, and who art already so well instructed in
that most illustrious School!

'Tis true, you will meet with some jeering prattle-arses, that will
say, is this that brave couple, that there was such a noise made of
when they were married! Is this the Gentlewoman that used to go so
costly in her Gorgets and Gowns! Goes she now with a plain wastcoat!
alas and welladay! doth her feathers begin to hang thus! Well, is this
the Gentlewoman that used alwaies to keep two maids! Can she now make
a shift with a little wench that earns her wages with spinning, and
her diet with doing the house work? it must certainly ly very nastily
and sluttishly at her house.

'Tis very true, this might happen to you, and it would seem to eclipse
the Sun of your Pleasures of Marriage very much; if you had not now, O
well matcht Couple, through the instruction of the winged Time, gotten
such prudent eys that you can easily see through such vain and simple
Clouds.

But now you apprehend, to your great joy and comfort, that this arrow
comes out of the Quiver of such as are indebted to every body, and
suffer themselves daily to be durrid; who are continually pratling
with the Neighbors, and gadding along the streets; they take notice of
every dore that opens, and neglect their own houskeeping having no
understanding to govern it; the dishes, pots and pans are alwaies
standing in the middle of the flore; and Benches and Stools are all
covered and ly filled with the Childrens dirty clouts, and the Windows
are so thick with dirt, that the Sun can hardly shine through them.
Whose first word is, when any body comes into their house, What! by
reason of these sad times a body hath neither joy nor delight in their
houskeeping. If we wash the glass windows, they are in danger of
breaking, and at present we cannot bear with any losses. And these
ordinarily have more pratling and felling then any other women, and no
body knows any thing better then these sworn tittletattlers; they are
seldom to be found with a pin-cushion upon their laps; and are the
occasion that their houses, children and Maids stink of filth and
sluttishness, with their cloaths out at the elbous, and their stockins
out at the heels. Whilest their husbands sit in the Alehouses, and
seek by drinking, domineering and gaming to drive these damps of the
sad times out of theire brains; which continueth so long, till that
all is consumed, and they both fly damnably in debt to their
Creditors.

Well then, you worthy and faithfull Houskeepers, you see now the
unhappy state and condition of these venomous controulers of others:
And on the contrary, you may perceive how happy the bad times, like a
prudent Instructor, makes you; what a quantity of understanding and
delight it imparts unto you; whilest you both, with joint resolution,
diligent hands and vigilant eys, indeavor the maintenance and setting
up of your Family. Be assured, that this care and frugality will so
root it self in your very bones, that although the times changed and
grew better, you would reserve a stedfast delight in the promoting the
good and benefit of your houskeeping; and withall leave to your
children such riches and good examples, that they will follow your
footsteps of carefulness with delight, and lay a hand to the plough,
thereby to demonstrate that they were of a good extraction: which if
it so happen, you will inherit one of the greatest and desiredst
Pleasures that is to be found in the Married estate.

[Illustration: 151 _Published by The Navarre Society, London._]




THE EIGHTH PLEASURE.

_The Parents would bring up their son in their way of Trade, but he
hath no mind to't. He is put to School out of the City. Grows a
Scholler, commits much mischief. Is apprehended and informed what a
Schollerlike life is._


Uds life, now I thinke on't, amongst the Pleasures of Mariage, this is
none of the least, when one sees their children feed well, and grow up
healthfully and merrily; and their stomacks in a morning are as soon
open as their eys; then at noons they can claw it away at a good dish,
as well as persons of full growth and years; and about four of the
clock their appetites are again prepared for an afternoons lunchion;
insomuch that they can eat you into poverty, without making their
teeth bleed. O it is such a delight to see that they continually grow
up so slovenly and wastfully in their cloaths, that they must needs
have every half year almost a new suit, and that alwaies a little
bigger; whereby the Father sees that he shall in short time have a son
to be his man in the shop, and the mother a daughter to be her
caretakester and controulster of the Kitchin.

Thus we advance in the estate of Mariage, from one pleasure to
another. O how happy you'l be, if your children be but pliable and
courteous, and grow up in obedience, and according to your example!
But we see in the generality, that as their understanding increases,
that also their own wills and desires do in like manner not diminish.

Perhaps you meet with some such symptoms as these are in your own son;
for having been some years learning the Latine Tongue at Pauls or
Merchant Tailors School; he is then inveagled by some of the neighbors
sons to go with them to learn the Italian or French language; to which
purpose they know of a very delicate Boarding school a little way out
of the City; and then they baptize it with the name, that he hath such
a longing and earnest desire to learn it, that he cannot rest in the
night for it.

What will you do? The charge there of, the bad times, and the
necessity you have for him at home, makes you perswade him from it,
and to proffer him convenient occasions in the City; but what helps
it, the fear of drawing the child from that which he has so much a
mind to; and may be, that also, wherein his whole good fortune
consists, causes you to take a resolution to fullfill his desire. Away
he's sent then, and agreed for. And then there must be a Trunk
furnisht, with all manner of linnen and cloaths, with other toys and
sweet meats, and mony in his pocket to boot.

Having been some small time there he sends some letters for what he
wants. Which is, with recommendations of being saving and diligent,
sent unto him. And it is no small pleasure for the Parents, if they do
but see that he is an indifferent proficiant. All their delight and
pleasure is, when time will permit, to go to their son, and to shew
him their great love and affection.

But the Daughter, which goes along with her Mother, is kindled with no
small matter of jealousie to see that her Brother puts her Parents to
so much charge, gets what he pleases, and that their minds are never
at rest about him. When she, on the contrary, being at home, is thrust
by her Mother into the drudgery of the house, or kept close to her
needle. Yet these are pacified with a fine lace, a ring, or some such
sort of trinkom trankoms; and then with telling them into the bargain,
when your brother comes home he shall keep the shop.

This the Father is in expectation of. And the son being come home,
gives a great Pleasure to his Father and Mother, by reason he speaks
such good Latin and Italian, and is so gentile in his behaviour: but
to look to the shop, he hath no mind to. Say what they will, talk is
but talk. All his desire and mind is to go to the University either of
Oxford or Cambridge. And although the Father in some measure herein
yeelds and consents; the Mother, on the other side, can by no means
resolve to it; for her main aim was, that her son should be brought up
in the shop; because that in the absence, or by decease of her
husband, he might then therein be helpfull to her. Besides that, it is
yet fresh in her memory, that when her Brother studied at Oxford, what
a divellish deal of mony it cost, and what complaints there come of
his student-like manner of living. Insomuch that there was hardly a
month past, but the Proctor of the Colledge, or the Magistracy of the
City must have one or other penalty paid them.